Ask the Expert

Q&A:

This website is intended as a resource and provides general information, not legal or medical advice. Each situation is unique and deserves individual attention. If you have legal or medical questions, please consult the appropriate professional.

Middle-of-the-night crisis

Q) What if my blind, frail 84 year-old Mother has a crisis in the middle of the night – who would respond to her problem? Us, or a live-in caregiver?

A) Care Management provides the support that you and your mother need. In the event of a crisis, the caregiver receives immediate instruction from our 24/7 On-Call Professional Care Managers. With backgrounds in nursing, social work, and gerontology, Care Managers, rather than staffing clerks, triage the situation and make the appropriate decisions to ensure the best outcome. The Care Manager will stay in touch with you throughout the crisis.

Independent, but in need of help?

Q) Dad says he doesn’t need in-home care – but he’s losing his strength and coordination. He’s been so independent that it is hard to protect him without him feeling helpless.

A) We often start care plans slowly. When our clients need 24/7 care but resist that kind of help, we may suggest an“emergency response system”, which can alert our Professional Geriatric Care Managers during an emergency. We can stabilize the situation and keep you informed.

Caring from across the country

Q) My 89 year-old Dad has cardiac problems and insists on staying in his San Francisco hills home of 60 years. I live in New York, and he won’t think of moving here. I am an only child, and I worry. How can I make sure his needs are being met?

A) A Professional Geriatric Care Manager can build a relationship of trust with your father, assist him with appointments, and matching him with one of our personal assistants (caregivers) to support him in ways that you would, if you lived closer. Our caregivers never work independently. They will call the Care Manager if anything changes. The Care Manager will keep in touch with you and based on your Dad’s values, traditions and needs, work to make sure your dad‘s life stays the way he wants it.

Whether or not to move Mom

Q) My brother and I are confused about whether to keep our recently widowed mother, who has severe arthritis, in her home or move her to assisted living. How do we make this difficult decision?

A) In a family consultation, a Professional Geriatric Care Manager will help you look at all the options and consider the effect each decision would have on your mother and on the family. Options are reviewed, for quality of life, short and longer-term financial considerations, and your Mom’s values. The Professional is objective and can help you with the decision making process.

Dealing with changes due to Alzheimer’s

Q) My dad has Alzheimer’s disease and is living alone. He doesn’t seem to be having any problems with his personal care or diet so far. But, my siblings and I want to know when we should take more control. What are the signs we should look for?

A) You need a Professional Geriatric Care Manager who will monitor changes, be your guide and help keep your father as independent as possible – preserving as much of his autonomy as the situation allows. The Care Manager will advise the family on when to intervene and also how to set up your father’s home for the inevitable changes that will gradually happen. The Care Manager acts much like another family member – but has the background and ability to stay objective because they don’t have the long history you do with your Dad.

Introducing caregivers

Q) Mom, who is 68, was just diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). Dad is still working as an engineer and doesn’t seem to have the time to oversee her care. We have been to support groups and are getting a clearer understanding of what we are facing. We want to start care for her now, but she is understandably depressed and resistant. How would you begin to bring in caregivers?

A) The Care Manager will meet your Mom and talk with her privately, listen to her fears and get a picture of her lifestyle and wishes. The Care Manager would probably suggest starting slowly with a few hours of caregiving, once or twice a week and then gradually increase in-home care as needed. The Care Manager will work very closely with the caregivers, educating them about the disease process and giving them a care plan that supports your Mom’s needs. At the same time the Care Manager will provide her the emotional support she will need to find the best quality in her days.

Need help, but don’t know where to start

Q) “I need to find help for my mother. Where should I look and how do I know she is getting what she needs?”

A) We recommend that all families start with an objective assessment of the parent in the home. Feelings sometimes cause families to “over care,” “under care,” or not recognize the need for care. It's important that a credentialed professional outside the family helps to determine the older adult’s care, so that emotional needs, denial, or even love don’t interfere in the process. A Geriatric Care Manager serves as an objective professional, both in the assessment and in directing care as needs change.

Being a friend to someone with memory loss

Q) My friend is experiencing memory loss. How can I keep our connection?

A) For the adult who lives alone and is in the early stages of memory loss, social interaction becomes harder to initiate. As a result, it's easy to become more isolated, confused and even depressed. To be a friend to someone experiencing memory loss, there are many things that you can do. One example is to invite them to a restaurant and then order for them or suggest something based on what they like. Attending our Families Dealing with Dementia class, the first in our free three part series, is another way to learn more about how to handle memory loss

Dealing with depression

Q) How can I tell if a senior friend is depressed, and how do I deal with it?

A) Depression is an illness, like heart disease or high blood pressure. You can recognize the signs and seek help. Common signs of depression include:

• Lack of interest in activities formerly enjoyed
• Dissatisfaction with life
• Loss of energy
• Feeling useless or helpless
• Irritability
• Great concern over health problems
• Sadness and crying
• Worry and/or self-criticism
• Difficulty concentrating and/or making decisions
• Appetite and weight loss (or significant gain)
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping excessively
• Thoughts of suicide or death

Depression requires professional medical help. Eldercare Services can refer you to a medical professional to get help for your friend. You can also learn more about this illness and how to suggest help for your friend in a consultation with one of our Care Managers.

Legal issues of the elderly

Q) I am not sure if my father needs legal help. How do I find out?

A) If you think that your father needs legal advice, you should consult a specialist in Elder Law. A Professional Geriatric Care Manager can help you plan and cope with these difficulties and if necessary can refer you to an Elder Law attorney to assist you with legal aspects.

• He no longer has the mental capacity to manage his own financial affairs or to make health care decisions
• He needs help financing increasing levels of personal care (even when mentally capable)
• He is being taken advantage of or abused
• He has difficulty communicating

A joint consultation with a Professional Geriatric Care Manager and Elder Law attorney can often be advantageous. In addition, we offer classes, with presentations by an Elder Law attorney.

If you need an answer to a question about an elder family member, ask our expert.

See more about Ask the Expert:

• Frequently Asked Questions