Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

What will your “emotional” footprint be?

What do we leave behind when we leave this life?  We hear lots of talk about our “footprints” when it comes to ecology and not wanting to be contributing to the negative consequences of the over use of resources.

When we delve into this notion of leaving a “footprint” we will often face our shadow as well as our dream of being a more positive individual.  Exploring this thought in journal writing could be an introspective journey and offer a surprise that might open a new door in ones life.

Looking into our individual history we see our successes and our failures.  Do you blame others for the not so successful choices you made or for the changes you didn’t make?  Or, do you take full responsibility for each of life experiences – even if they were from an outside force not in your control?

How do we grow emotionally?  How might we want to grow as an individual?  Growing never stops – it actually happens till we take that last breath.  The good news is we can have some control over how we judge our experiences and how we take those less than successful experiences and turn each one of them into a “learning experience”.

The challenge could be turning painful experiences into part of our positive footprint. Viewing this in the most existential way then every experience, even the death of a loved one, at some time can turn into a learning experience that can help us grow or support others in their journey.  The risk is that we need to be brave to move forward and face the shadow in order to leave the “footprint” of our vision.

I would like my footprint to be one of bringing peace into all that I do.  I realize I can’t please everyone because they have needs that I can’t fill – but I can always do my best and never take any action or reaction that would intentionally hurt another.

What will be your “emotional footprint” be?  Start living that vision now – it could change your life!

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Elder abuse is rising. Even though my mother is bright and doing well living alone, which she prefers, she is a target just because of her age!    Mom is almost 88 and out and about going to clubs and driving friends around.  She lives in a major urban city and has since her birth.  The only help I provide for her is a personal assistant who acts as her personal secretary making appointments, reviewing mail and helping her with phone calls – because of her hearing loss she can’t understand accents or phone tree instructions.

 A week ago, she had a knock at the door. A woman asked to use a portable phone because she said she was locked out of her home.  Mom gave her the phone but of course the number was busy.  Then she asked for water and when my mother went to give her a cup the woman followed her inside making comments on how my Mom’s home reminded her of her Grandmother’s.  My mother became suspicious at this point and told her she needed to leave. However, the woman saw the candy dish and asked for candy.  Again, Mom says, “Take some and get out of my house.”, not knowing Mom’s purse was now under the woman’s coat!

 Mom of course had her keys, checkbook and credit cards in that purse.  She changed her locks with the help of a grandson, notified all the credit card accounts and the bank.  She has received two calls, one to cash a check for under $200 and another to charge $4,000 at an appliance store.  Mom stopped those transactions. 

 This is a lot of stress on an elder.  Thank God she has her personal assistant to help with all the paperwork that this event brought to her.

 The bottom line is, tell the elders in your life not to open the door for strangers – especially if they live alone.  The police officers told my Mom this and I hope she listens.  It is hard for her not to always be kind.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Caring for another 24/7 and giving your all to one you love can be exhausting, frustrating and bring about “anger” in ways that surprise you, the family caregiver.

 Asking yourself, “Was that me?”, after hearing yourself shout at someone who doesn’t understand due to a cognitive loss or dementia.   Or, maybe you find yourself throwing something or being a little rough in dressing or caring for another.

 Losing your patience is normal.  Looking at that loss of patience as a “red flag” is helpful. It is a signal that you need a little “self-care” and it is time to bring in help or take a break.

 Some helpful hints in managing anger:

 1)         Be sure you can say at the end of each day that you did something just for yourself like a hot bath, reading for 30 minutes, a walk with the dog etc.

2)       Acknowledge that it is ok to lose your patience.  It is not ok to have this frustration transform into anger that could put you and the other in danger.

3)       Join a support group.  Get affirmation for your frustration from others in the same boat.

4)      Take an “anger management” class.

5)       Ask for help.  Be specific if asking family members to share the caring.  Say to your sister, “Could you sit with Dad on Tuesday from noon to five while I take a Yoga class”?  Don’t just say, “I need help.”

6)       Hire asisstance and use the time off for self-care even if this is only 2-4  hours once a week.

7)        Forgive yourself and make “balance” a part of each day by finding ways to give to yourself.

 Copyright:  Linda Fodrini-Johnson 2010

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

 This was given by a 92 year old client to a Care Manager in the mid-west:

 ”Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

 1. Free your heart from hatred.

 2. Free your mind from worries.

 3. Live simply.

 4. Give more.

 5. Expect less.”

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Recently, at a class I was teaching, someone asked why her mother with Alzheimer’s dementia would not eat in the skilled nursing home she was in when at home she didn’t have a problem.

 Often, in medical and residential facilities, they give the patient too many choices, a challenge for those with dementia.  I told her to take off all the glasses and cups of fluid (they had given her juice, water, milk and tea) and just leave one liquid on the tray at a time.  The same for foods – if a plate is given with too much food on it – it can easily overwhelm those with a dementia.  So, think about no more than two foods on the tray or in front of a family member with dementia at a time.

 The same holds true for utensils – just put the utensil needed for the food in front of your Alzheimer family member.  For example, if you give someone a bowl of soup – just the spoon. 

 These few shifts in the environment made all the difference for this client’s mom.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Can’t open the container?  Heads up marketing, the Baby Boomers are coming!

 As our population ages, with the over 50 crowd growing by 50% this decade, I am hoping that the manufactures of packaging take into consideration the product they are selling and whether or not their target population open it.

 I purchased some body wash this past week and was able to open it in the store to smell it but with my hands wet there was no way could I open it.  I poured it into the container of another product I used previously and I just will not buy that one again.  It has a lovely fragrance but I need to get at it.

 I have found frustration with opening other items as well.  Like in the middle of the night when you want a Tylenol and you have to line up the arrows – it is dark and I can’t see.  Plus, you need to use your thumb to pry it up – hard for those of us with arthritis in our hands.

 What each of us can do is send off a letter to the manufacture of a product and tell them we won’t buy it any longer unless they have packaging we can open.

 There is power in numbers – become an advocate for all!

Here is the link to the ABC News article covering the story:

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Days are darker and shorter, the weather is cold or wet, and yes, it is winter.  The holidays have come and gone and you find yourself feeling sad, tired and depleted.  This is somewhat normal for many of us and even more so for the older population.  They might have had lots of activity during November and December and now feel let down by the lack of stimulation and the inability to get outdoors.

 Often, once you get back to your normal activities after the holidays this temporary “blues” feeling usually goes away.  However, some individuals have enough symptoms to be diagnosed with “Seasonal Affective Disorder” (SAD).  This real illness is characterized by extreme lethargy and depression as well as some of the depressive symptoms like increased appetite, weight gain and difficulty concentrating.  Sometimes those with SAD require medication and help should be sought from a physician.  Talk therapy can also help during this time by giving one some strategies to deal with and overcome the symptoms.

 How to beat the “Winter Blues”:

 1)    Exercise releases endorphins which improves mood.  So, move – even if it is just doing a morning stretch with a television guide.  If you can, take a short 30-minute walk every day.  It might be all you need.

2)    Stay clear of sweets and carbohydrate rich foods.  Avoid alcohol because it is a depressant.  Look for low fat protein snacks and meals.

3)    Vitamin D is helpful.  In the summer you might get all the vitamin D you need by being in the sun but in the winter you might need to boost your intake.  Talk to your doctor about how much to take.

4)    Try to expose yourself to sun light when it comes out.  However, there are lights you can buy that have a similar effect as the sun. 

 The most important information is that Spring will come.  You do not need to suffer.  Seek a professional who can guide you to feeling better.  This is a very common but not welcome cycle for many individuals.

 Eldercare Services has several Care Managers on staff that are licensed therapists. Give us a call toll free at 866 760-1808 if we can help you in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

“Clean out a room, change your schedule and your social life- Mom is moving in.” 

 Your mother has had a change of status and can no longer live alone. You think it is best that she move in with you because you just retired and have the time to care for her.

 The desire and the passion to care for those we love sometimes pulls us to make decisions that can have a negative outcome to us and to our aging parent.

 Before you decide to have a senior family member move in to your home, there are many facets to consider and organizations that can assist with the process.  Do your homework, look at all the pros and cons before changing all of your lives.  Is the decision going to add to the quality of life for all involved?  Will it distract from what gives your life meaning or that of your parent?

 Eldercare has a checklist of important items to think about before making such a decision.  It you would like this checklist, send us your name and address and we will mail it out to you.

Intergenerational families can live together successfully but all parties must have their needs met and find peace in the arrangement.   However, sometimes families just haven’t explored all the options first and make this decision without knowledge of our supportive services.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

The Caregiving Legacy Award from the Rosalinde and Arthur Gilbert Foundation is being given to the “Alzheimer’s Dementia Strategy and Dementia Summit”.

 I had the honor of serving on this panel with many other leading Dementia experts in San Francisco.  My role, based on expertise, was that of “Care Coordination and Professional Care Manager.”  Most of the research we found pointed to the value and need of a central person to be the guide and contact for primary caregivers.  Families who had Care Management worldwide were better able to cope with the changes and transitions this disease presents.

 Our panel was charged to come up with a plan for the city of San Francisco to be pro-active in designing services needed by caregivers and organizations.  The plan was to look at the needs of this growing population for the next 11 years – pro-active planning at its best.

 The final report will be available soon from The San Francisco Department of Aging and Adult Services and/or The Family Caregiver Alliance.

 It was truly an honor to work with experts in public policy, research, medicine, community services and the private sector.   In this time of a down economy it was good to focus on what we can do, what we want to do and what is most needed.  The Baby Boomers are aging. Everything we can do, for treatment, prevention, public policy, benefits and education of Alzheimer’s, now will prepare us for a future of “positive caring”!

 Congratulations San Francisco!  Thanks for letting me be a part of a pro-active plan.