Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

I just came across a great article by Jonathan Rauch, published in the April issue of The Atlantic Magazine.  Mr. Rauch talks about his process of deciding when to move his very independent father closer to his home in Washington DC from Phoenix and his experience with doing so.  

In his anecdote, he reveals many common traits of a parent resisting  dependence on his or her child and the dismissal of the fact that their health may be deterioating.   I thought that many of you might be able to relate to this story and find comfort in the fact that there are so many of us in America dealing with aging parents.  Enjoy! 

Click on the link below to view article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/03/letting-go-of-my-father/8001/1/?

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Caring for another 24/7 and giving your all to one you love can be exhausting, frustrating and bring about “anger” in ways that surprise you, the family caregiver.

 Asking yourself, “Was that me?”, after hearing yourself shout at someone who doesn’t understand due to a cognitive loss or dementia.   Or, maybe you find yourself throwing something or being a little rough in dressing or caring for another.

 Losing your patience is normal.  Looking at that loss of patience as a “red flag” is helpful. It is a signal that you need a little “self-care” and it is time to bring in help or take a break.

 Some helpful hints in managing anger:

 1)         Be sure you can say at the end of each day that you did something just for yourself like a hot bath, reading for 30 minutes, a walk with the dog etc.

2)       Acknowledge that it is ok to lose your patience.  It is not ok to have this frustration transform into anger that could put you and the other in danger.

3)       Join a support group.  Get affirmation for your frustration from others in the same boat.

4)      Take an “anger management” class.

5)       Ask for help.  Be specific if asking family members to share the caring.  Say to your sister, “Could you sit with Dad on Tuesday from noon to five while I take a Yoga class”?  Don’t just say, “I need help.”

6)       Hire asisstance and use the time off for self-care even if this is only 2-4  hours once a week.

7)        Forgive yourself and make “balance” a part of each day by finding ways to give to yourself.

 Copyright:  Linda Fodrini-Johnson 2010

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

With the Baby Boomers aging what will the future hold?  Will they want what they want right now – instant gratification?  Some may choose more commune-like living – different from assisted living – more self-directed and self-governed living and create a new way to live.  They would have more control over menu planning and structured activities or entertainment.  And of course, all pets would be welcome, too!

 What would that look like for you?   I see four or five condos linked together with a common room or large family room for art projects, exercise and shared meals.  Each individual or couple having their own living quarters, maybe even their own patio or small raised gardens as well as a larger garden.  A shared housekeeper and maybe a few shared meals each week.  As individuals aged in place, they could share a caregiver to assist with personal care and, if couples needed respite from the care of an ill spouse, they could support one another with short respite care.

 I think that Professional Geriatric Care Management is a must for aging positively and pro-actively; I envision a Care Manager spending some time each of these pods of condos.  This professional could run community meetings, support those who need support and see that new candidates for each group were appropriate.  Also, the Care Manager would advocate for the residents when medical issues presented themselves.

 Individuals would “buy in” as is common now in other cooperatives and pay a monthly fee for the common area, housekeeper, garden upkeep and the Professional Geriatric Care Manager.   I realize I left out all the possible negative “what if’s”…but visioning is just visioning.  Aging in place my way!

Most of the applicants I interview tell me their story. The story usually involves a relative or close friend who is older and is experiencing the challenges of aging. Often in the story, some wonderful experiences are related and the individuals want to give back to someone who helped them to become the person he or she is today.

Many of those who choose caregiving as a career, do so because they are called to this profession. Whether by the personal experience of seeing a loved one age and wishing that there was more that he or she could do, or by choice, sometimes as a second career in a challenging economy, either path works. Often, stay-at-home moms, come to us and say they have taken care of their kids, and to some extent their parents, and realize they have many appropriate skills. Some come to us fresh from CNA/LVN/RN schooling to get hands on experience in a companion care environment.

In today’s market, one thing is certain, people are still aging and many need help. The model at Eldercare Services is client-centered, we strive to go where the client is so that his or her independence can be retained whenever possible. Sometimes, we care for people in their homes, in a facility, and throughout the different stages of their aging process. Our caregivers come from a variety of backgrounds and the perfect recipe is: dedication to seniors, compassion, a willingness to learn and be open and the desire to be part of a team.

Our caregivers work as companions. The ability to understand those struggling with forms of dementia and physical challenges is essential. With an open mind one can learn a lot from our Professional Geriatric Care Managers and from the training that Eldercare Services provides to appropriate candidates. Some clients require just a few hours of help and others have live-in 24-hour care.

If you can communicate clearly, have no criminal background, a clean driving record, a reliable automobile, automobile insurance and are in good health, you may be a candidate for a career in care giving.

How to apply for a job in a professional manner

I receive hundreds of resumes a month from those looking to begin or advance a career working in caregiving or administration for our company. The challenge is to read all of the resumes and choose the best candidates. I am often asked how I do this.

The first thing I recommend is exploring the company’s website. By looking at the website, if one exists, you can gain great knowledge about the philosophy, mission and vision statements of the company. This also indicates an interest in the company and what their focus is on. The second thing I recommend is reading the job description clearly. If the job ad states to refer to something in the memo line do so, it is a good way to prove to the prospective employer that you can follow directions. Next, be sure to have a reasonable email address. Think about what the human resources representative may see when they open up your e-mail- partygirl@anywhere.com might not look as responsible as Gunnetts@anywhere.com. Be sure, if there is a cover letter that it is addressed to the correct individual and everything is spelled properly. Showing attention to detail might get you noticed. Using an appropriate readable font is a great idea. Colors of print and flashing lights probably are going to be more annoying than creative depending upon the job you are applying for. Finally, let the company know about your education, your job experience including months and dates of work and contact information for supervisors.

Be honest and straightforward. A willingness to learn is more attractive than someone who is not truthful. In a challenging economy, the best way to be noticed by recruiters and companies is attention to detail, following directions, and selling your self without compromising integrity or professionalism.