Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

When a parent or spouse can no longer do what they did yesterday, it becomes another transition for the primary caregiver and for the extended family.

These transitions catch us off guard and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief is experienced by the primary care provider.  The caregiver often does not label this as a grief process, but it is about loss – however slow – it still has the power to stop us in our tracks.

If you are caring for someone with a progressive dementia, such as Alzheimer’s Disease, you probably have had a similar experience.  I think of a story of a spouse who called me one day in tears and said, “Linda, I thought I had accepted this disease and today my wife could not remember how to get toothpaste out of the tube.   I could not even help her.  I just had to go into the other room and cry.”

And that is what we need to do with this type of pain – express it, find someone with whom to discuss it and move on.   What this gentleman said to me a few weeks later is, “I just put the tooth paste on the brush and then she knows what to do and soon I’ll probably have to help her brush as well.  And when that happens I’ll probably have those same feelings all over again.  But, today we are enjoying our backyard and watching the birds at the feeders with great pleasure.”

If you can learn to let go of your feelings, express them, find a coping mechanism, so as to preserve the dignity of the person with the dementia it will be easier to move on to what you can enjoy together and make this a less painful journey.

Being in  the moment is all each of us has.  However, we feel pain at little losses as well as big ones and it is important to do the grief work and not let it eat at your inner soul.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Watch this video blog: Research Shows Family Caregivers Want More Education on Caregiving

The National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP did an extensive report on “Caregiving in the U.S. 2009”.  The report shows that the increase for information and formal caregiver training has increased over the past 5 years. 

What family caregivers want is more information and education on, is care recipient safety at home, easy activities to do with the person they are caring for, as well as how to choose a home care agency, assisted living facility or nursing home.  A large portion wanted information on one subject and since the report showed an increase in those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease – that is one of those areas we just can’t give families enough information and guidance.

It was interesting to me that families looked to the doctor for ideas on education and in our area very few physicians are aware of what is available in the community unless they were connected to a senior service of a local hospital.  They also looked to their caregiving provider for information – however, not all home care agencies have skilled professionals to provide caregiver specific education.

Another surprising finding is caregivers expressed less desire for information about finding time for themselves.  I am not sure how to interpret this – I would like to say that they all find time for self-care or at least more know of the importance of caring for oneself while caring for another.  I hope it isn’t that they are overly focused on caregiving and have not thought about their own needed self-care.

See our website for the classes and support groups we have scheduled in our offices and in the community.  We believe information is empowering.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

When a family member is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, often little is given to the patient or the family as they all are entering a very long journey of feelings of anger, disbelief, grief, depression, fear and concern.

It would be my ideal that each family who must experience this disease is given a coach to help them find joy and peace on this path that can be filled with potholes.  The professional could help families review and update legal tools that will be needed for decisions in the future, help them look at all the options for the future and help them plan for the costs as well – enlightening them to entitlements and benefits.

The coach would get to know the family on an intimate level and know what types of interventions would work well for the patient and each family member.  How we approach a challenge will vary from person to person and from family to family – we are all unique.

When the families have the trust in one single person or a small group of people to guide them on this journey, they truly can be freed to live and find joy in the moment.

Often professional Geriatric Care Managers are experienced at Alzheimer’s family coaching and, with just one visit a month, can give families the life line then need to find peace of mind and quality of life despite having to traverse a disease that steals minds.  At Eldercare Services, we have been guiding families in this manner for many years.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

View this video blog: Memory Loss and Aging Parents

When one parent is exhibiting signs of memory loss the other parent can often cover up for the spouse who is losing the ability to care for themselves.   Adult children are often surprised when they hear about a diagnosis they never saw, sometimes because of denial and at other times because the well parent was doing such a good job of making excuses or covering for the ill parent. 

Often this is because of the well parent’s denial and fear of facing the truth of the pending loss.  Other times both parents might be experiencing a dementia and they need each other to maintain their independence.  It is fascinating for me as a professional, to see how we humans struggle to stay independent for fear of losing control.  Are we not really all interdependent?  Don’t we depend on others to produce our food, manufacture our clothing, build structures, secure our financial resources etc?  Would it not be a better world if we were all much more comfortable with the phrase “inter-dependence” instead of struggling to hold onto “independence” even to our own detriment?

Often adult children have a difficult time seeing the dementia for some of the same fears around loss and grief.  It is not easy to experience the loss of a parent in a way that robs them of self and leaves an empty shell of what was a beloved, intelligent being.  Rest assured that love can be experienced and expressed into the later stages of dementia and we can all learn the importance of just being in the moment – because truly that is all there really is.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

It is important in communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia, to know the words they have always used for a room like the toilet – did they say “powder room”, “bathroom”, ”can” or another? 

If your family member is going into a care center, retirement community or dementia care facility and they spoke a language other than English as a child – be sure to communicate this information to caretakers because, as the disease progresses, also do language skills.  The word they used in English might be gone, but the word they learned for “bathroom” as a child remains.  Language loss will affect both the receptive and expressive language skills.  

So, if their most recent language is their second language, give the caretakers a list of important words in the language of origin and a way to pronounce each for communication that is important like: bathroom, bedtime, mealtime, come, stop, go, yes, no.

Loving comes without language and it is our hope that all who care for those who have lost the ability to communicate with language will continue to care with love.

Watch Linda’s Video Blog Dementia and Communication!

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Our business is helping families with the challenging issues of aging.  Sometimes it is getting siblings to agree on a decision of what is best for mom. Other times it is helping a family get the diagnosis they need so they can plan for the future or take control from someone who is impaired cognitively and at risk for self-abuse or exploitation.

All of a sudden, as an employer, I looked in the mirror and found that out of 43 professional and support staff, I had 8 (almost 20%) of our employees in the depths of “eldercare” experiencing all those dilemmas that our clients families deal with every day.  I myself have an 88-year old mother that lives alone and at any juncture, I could be in the same place as my staff.  Actually, when the phone rings late at night, I always hold my breath thinking it could be Mom in a health care crisis.

When I realized this and looked at the time these individuals were putting into the caregiving role, I decided we needed to do something. I asked one of our licensed social workers/geriatric care managers to lead a brown bag lunch support group – at least once a month.  How easy it is to offer this support to employees, as any employer could hire a professional geriatric care manager to lead these groups at very little cost to the company – but great relief to the stressed employee who sometimes doesn’t know where to turn.

When you realize you are not alone, when you realize creativity is needed in caregiving and when you know how to advocate for your loved one, you are in a better place to care for yourself.

Ask your employer to secure a support group at work because, I bet, most places of employment have 12-15% of their staff in elder caregiving roles that could be affecting their employer’s productivity.

Most of the applicants I interview tell me their story. The story usually involves a relative or close friend who is older and is experiencing the challenges of aging. Often in the story, some wonderful experiences are related and the individuals want to give back to someone who helped them to become the person he or she is today.

Many of those who choose caregiving as a career, do so because they are called to this profession. Whether by the personal experience of seeing a loved one age and wishing that there was more that he or she could do, or by choice, sometimes as a second career in a challenging economy, either path works. Often, stay-at-home moms, come to us and say they have taken care of their kids, and to some extent their parents, and realize they have many appropriate skills. Some come to us fresh from CNA/LVN/RN schooling to get hands on experience in a companion care environment.

In today’s market, one thing is certain, people are still aging and many need help. The model at Eldercare Services is client-centered, we strive to go where the client is so that his or her independence can be retained whenever possible. Sometimes, we care for people in their homes, in a facility, and throughout the different stages of their aging process. Our caregivers come from a variety of backgrounds and the perfect recipe is: dedication to seniors, compassion, a willingness to learn and be open and the desire to be part of a team.

Our caregivers work as companions. The ability to understand those struggling with forms of dementia and physical challenges is essential. With an open mind one can learn a lot from our Professional Geriatric Care Managers and from the training that Eldercare Services provides to appropriate candidates. Some clients require just a few hours of help and others have live-in 24-hour care.

If you can communicate clearly, have no criminal background, a clean driving record, a reliable automobile, automobile insurance and are in good health, you may be a candidate for a career in care giving.

How to apply for a job in a professional manner

I receive hundreds of resumes a month from those looking to begin or advance a career working in caregiving or administration for our company. The challenge is to read all of the resumes and choose the best candidates. I am often asked how I do this.

The first thing I recommend is exploring the company’s website. By looking at the website, if one exists, you can gain great knowledge about the philosophy, mission and vision statements of the company. This also indicates an interest in the company and what their focus is on. The second thing I recommend is reading the job description clearly. If the job ad states to refer to something in the memo line do so, it is a good way to prove to the prospective employer that you can follow directions. Next, be sure to have a reasonable email address. Think about what the human resources representative may see when they open up your e-mail- partygirl@anywhere.com might not look as responsible as Gunnetts@anywhere.com. Be sure, if there is a cover letter that it is addressed to the correct individual and everything is spelled properly. Showing attention to detail might get you noticed. Using an appropriate readable font is a great idea. Colors of print and flashing lights probably are going to be more annoying than creative depending upon the job you are applying for. Finally, let the company know about your education, your job experience including months and dates of work and contact information for supervisors.

Be honest and straightforward. A willingness to learn is more attractive than someone who is not truthful. In a challenging economy, the best way to be noticed by recruiters and companies is attention to detail, following directions, and selling your self without compromising integrity or professionalism.