Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Caring for another 24/7 and giving your all to one you love can be exhausting, frustrating and bring about “anger” in ways that surprise you, the family caregiver.

 Asking yourself, “Was that me?”, after hearing yourself shout at someone who doesn’t understand due to a cognitive loss or dementia.   Or, maybe you find yourself throwing something or being a little rough in dressing or caring for another.

 Losing your patience is normal.  Looking at that loss of patience as a “red flag” is helpful. It is a signal that you need a little “self-care” and it is time to bring in help or take a break.

 Some helpful hints in managing anger:

 1)         Be sure you can say at the end of each day that you did something just for yourself like a hot bath, reading for 30 minutes, a walk with the dog etc.

2)       Acknowledge that it is ok to lose your patience.  It is not ok to have this frustration transform into anger that could put you and the other in danger.

3)       Join a support group.  Get affirmation for your frustration from others in the same boat.

4)      Take an “anger management” class.

5)       Ask for help.  Be specific if asking family members to share the caring.  Say to your sister, “Could you sit with Dad on Tuesday from noon to five while I take a Yoga class”?  Don’t just say, “I need help.”

6)       Hire asisstance and use the time off for self-care even if this is only 2-4  hours once a week.

7)        Forgive yourself and make “balance” a part of each day by finding ways to give to yourself.

 Copyright:  Linda Fodrini-Johnson 2010

Professional Geriatric Care Manager Supervisor Eileen Zagelow, BA, CMC

A client once told me that life would be better if the last ten years were lived first and the first ten years were lived last. 

 Since that experience I feel challenged to provide some sort of delight to the clients we serve.  One of the most satisfying ways to do this as a Care Manager is to relieve families and friends of some of their functional duties.  This allows the caregiver time, energy and opportunity to provide some delightful experiences of their own.  Supporting contentment, companionship and the occasional high is very gratifying to both the giver and receiver.

 The moments don’t have to be very big, very long or even very often.  Exhilarating and/or meaningful should be the goal.  Families are often too exhausted to find energy for such pursuits.  By handing over the controls at least for a while the caregiver can replenish themselves and “pay it forward”. 

 Some of the following experiences come to my mind.  Enjoying a 90^th birthday cruising along in a convertible, top down, complete with sunglasses and baseball hat.  (Of course normal precautions need to be employed!)  A visit to Pier 39 with a ride on the carousel.  A drive through the wine country or over the Golden Gate Bridge. For some, the sheer pleasure of sand running through the toes is a wonderful time.

 We create happiness when we feel alive and blessed ourselves.  Sharing the burden is immeasurable in the rewards it reaps.