Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Those of us caring for an aging loved one know about resistance all too well. Sometimes it is beyond reasoning and begging to get our loved one to perform the simplest of daily tasks. I’d like to offer a couple of tips I’ve learned over the years to entice your resistant loved one in a positive way.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

A spousal caregiver recently told me he looks at his watch all day for the time he will experience the joy of seeing his wife and when his eyes meet hers his joy turns to pain as she can’t remember who he is.

When: Sunday, April 29, 2012 | 10:00 am – 4:30 pm

Where: In San Francisco’s Glen Park village, along Diamond Street between Bosworth and Chenery, as well as extending down Wilder street

More Info: (415) 729-4059 or inquiries@glenparkfestival.com

Professional Geriatric Care Manager, Eldercare Services, Jean Tokarek, MPA, CMC

You may be caring for a parent or older person who wants to stay up all night and sleep at odd hours during the day. This behavior is known as “sundowning.” The Alzheimer’s Association states that 20% of people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease exhibit increased confusion and disorientation at dusk with the behaviors continuing throughout the night.

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Do you share caregiving duties with another family member? Do you give the primary caregiver in your family time off? If you answered yes to one of these two questions, you are not alone. Thousands of families are providing care for an aging relative. Up to 70% of all care is provided by families in the Untied States.

If you work all week and then get mom or dad for the two days you are off, it can be stressful if you have not had any training or are unsure of how to communicate effectively with someone who has a dementia. Actually the latter could make your two days extremely stressful if you don’t know the tricks of effective communication.

A few helpful hints to being a short time (or relief) family caregiver:

1) Check in with the person who was providing care the day before to see what the issues or behavior was – so you will know if something is new and warrants a call to a doctor.
2) Take a class on how to communicate effectively with someone who has a dementia (we offer monthly free classes at Eldercare). This can save you hours of frustration.
3) Have a routine that is similar to the routine during the other days of caregiving – times of meals, medications, walks, favorite TV shows or movies.
4) Have a plan to deal with boredom or increased anxiety – such as a car ride to watch boats coming and going from a dock or children playing at a playground or to a vineyard or orchard.
5) If possible, ask the person you are caring for to help you – fold towels, laundry or napkins – cut coupons from the Sunday paper. These tasks make the care receiver feel helpful. Don’t be fussy – what ever they do, say, “Thanks – that saved me lots of time”!
6) Pets can be entertaining and soothing – but also, can be more work. So use caution when adding pets to your home or that of your parent.
7) Try not to correct misinformation unless the person is at risk – just have a response that is non-committal – like, “That is interesting.” Or “Oh, really?”. If conversations get too crazy, just change the subject – bird baths or feeders are great for leading someone away from a stuck place to watch the birds.

These are just generic ideas – each individual and family might have different issues and an hour with a “geriatric coach” otherwise known as a “care manager” might help you design activities that lighten your load and reduce stress and anxiety for everyone.

Eileen Zagelow, BA, CMC | Professional Geriatric Care Manager/Director of Care Management Services

There are many aspects to consider when we think about moving a parent or other loved one from their current home to an assisted facility. The family is often immersed in an entirely new world filled with new terms, financial contracts and “levels of care”. As advocates, we do our best to find the best fit at the right price. We worry about moving day, what to move and how to orchestrate the day.

The next dilemma, that often arises, is that Mom is unhappy and asking to go home. How long will it take for her to adjust? It has already been 2 weeks!

When we are supporting someone with memory issues, we learn that time takes on a new meaning. It becomes a vague expandable context for change. One thing I always suggest to families is that they practice patience and think about how they feel when they are contemplating a move for themselves. There is the anticipation, planning, anxiety – what if there are obstacles to running smoothly?? What if the kids don’t like the new house – lots of what ifs! Then there is the actuality of the move – OK, so here I am – where is the grocery store, the book store, the pharmacy – all of the things I need? I don’t know anyone. All of these feelings bubble up, even though you chose this move, planned this move and executed this move!

A person with memory loss often should not be intimately involved in the planning and execution. Mom may not be involved in the move and may or may not remember if she was. It often feels as though Mom has been transplanted to a very attractive place where the people seem nice, but thinks, heavens – why am I here? Who are these people in the hall? – I don’t know anyone. Where is my favorite coffee cup, my toaster – my dog? I don’t like this and I don’t think I will.

The solution takes time, reassurance and lots of support to integrate Mom into her new life. As a Care Manager, I usually recommend that a caregiver come a few days a week for just a few hours and help the person find her way into her new world. For a while, your loved one will be straddling a divide between old and new. Whereas we “well” people feel more comfortable negotiating our way through new routines and new friendships, they often need help in getting to that phase. In addition, because there is a memory or cognitive problem, the progress is often much slower, occurring in that vague context of time.

It can take a person with memory issues 3 to 6 months to adjust to a move. In the meanwhile we build a safe container around our loved one to soften the adjustments and reframe them as we go. Geriatric Care Managers are very skilled at supporting loved ones and family members in this very delicate journey.