Many of us have trouble with our spouse remembering what we just said let alone what we did yesterday! When this becomes problematic and starts to affect your relationship and your day-to-day life, it needs to be addressed differently. It could be a more serious illness and will need a comprehensive workup to find a diagnosis and help the family make decisions.
A dementia diagnosis is more than just the forgetting we all do when we’re not paying attention or multi-tasking. It is more than just repeating the same story over and over again – it interferes with judgment, self-care, sequencing, planning and relationships.
Most spouses have a hard time facing the “elephant in the room” because it means they have to move out of denial and into a reality that most of us never imagined will happen to us, let alone want to face head on.
Spousal caregivers, as well as those dealing with the diagnosis of a progressive dementia such as Alzheimer’s disease, report that, after given this shocking and scary news, they then can move forward more honestly with one another. They can have more realistic expectations of each other and, for the person who has the diagnosis, they often no longer feel like they are “crazy” or “dumb”. So, after their own grieving period, they can move onto being in the present and enjoying the here and now.
The caregiving spouse needs to get support early in this long journey of love and care because, without it, the possibility of the well spouse’s health being negatively affected is high.
My recommendations are to find a support group in your area and consult with a professional Geriatric Care Manager who can be your coach – even if is once every 3 months. What you want to do is have a mirror for your emotions and also a resource to help you cope with the changing needs of your partner. I highly recommend that spousal caregivers stay engaged with whatever gave their life meaning and purpose outside the relationship. Balance will be the key to successful spousal caregiving.