After 27 years of helping families understand and cope with dementia and/or memory loss, I find myself riding the same wave. What I notice sitting on this end of my career colliding with my family life is a feeling of denial and grief.
Seeing this resilient and very social mother of mine lose her ability to make sound decisions is actually worse than just memory loss. This weekend I took her shopping to a favorite small discount store and she came home very happy and proud of her purchases. She told me she bought a computer, a Blackberry for $3.99. When I looked at the package it was a cover for a Blackberry! I used all my professional skills and made excuses for her about the lighting in the store being bad and how easy that it would be to think this was a phone. Then she showed me two blouses she bought for $1.00 (what a bargain). However, the tag did say 2 for 1 – but the price on the back was $11.99!
What concerned me is she didn’t realize her total bill was nowhere near what it should have been if the blouses were $1! This is the information I didn’t want – it tells me she is at great risk for exploitation trying to live and manage on her own.
My brothers will call and help her to remember to take her medications, her personal assistant helps with the bill paying and I will now visit once a week and set up those medications. But, to tell you the truth, I know it won’t be long when we will need to move her out of that big house and I fear (and know from experience) such a move will bring more changes that I don’t want to see or experience.
Life is full of “pot holes” that we didn’t see coming and find it hard to get out of. I just didn’t want to feel as if I ever had to take control from my mother – but it looks like I will have no other options.
I pray I do what I need to do to preserve her dignity and give her some semblance of control over her life. I am losing my mother and it hurts.
