Sitting in my home office, with mom’s cat on my lap as I type, brings both a smile and a pain to my heart. It has been two years since her passing at the age of 91.
I don’t think we truly heal completely from the loss of a parent – whatever the relationship was or wasn’t – the loss is with us and the memories give us solace or pain.
I still call my cat “Grandma’s Boy” – so that he will remember her…or is it for me? She did call him that, even though his name is Jingles! The little things one does on a daily basis often come from our parents. So, as I now begin to have a cup of coffee after dinner (never had I done that, but my mother drank more coffee than anyone I ever knew), I wonder: do I embrace that routine because I want to remember her? Or do I really just want the coffee?
Those we have lost never return, but in the actions we model after them – with intent or not – we become a part of “them”. The loss truly resides inside of us, in more ways than memory alone.
Smile, when you catch yourself saying, “I am becoming my mother…my father,” or whomever you long for – for they really run through our veins. My hope for you, and myself, is that we hold on to the ones who are healing, renewing and life-giving and that we forgive and let go of the negatives.
Love does endure…after Valentine’s Day, and for years and years.
May March fill you with peaceful and loving memories!