Caring for another 24/7 and giving your all to one you love can be exhausting, frustrating and bring about “anger” in ways that surprise you, the family caregiver.
Asking yourself, “Was that me?”, after hearing yourself shout at someone who doesn’t understand due to a cognitive loss or dementia. Or, maybe you find yourself throwing something or being a little rough in dressing or caring for another.
Losing your patience is normal. Looking at that loss of patience as a “red flag” is helpful. It is a signal that you need a little “self-care” and it is time to bring in help or take a break.
Some helpful hints in managing anger:
1) Be sure you can say at the end of each day that you did something just for yourself like a hot bath, reading for 30 minutes, a walk with the dog etc.
2) Acknowledge that it is ok to lose your patience. It is not ok to have this frustration transform into anger that could put you and the other in danger.
3) Join a support group. Get affirmation for your frustration from others in the same boat.
4) Take an “anger management” class.
5) Ask for help. Be specific if asking family members to share the caring. Say to your sister, “Could you sit with Dad on Tuesday from noon to five while I take a Yoga class”? Don’t just say, “I need help.”
6) Hire asisstance and use the time off for self-care even if this is only 2-4 hours once a week.
7) Forgive yourself and make “balance” a part of each day by finding ways to give to yourself.
Copyright: Linda Fodrini-Johnson 2010