Adult children of aging parents are often disregarded when they make successions about services, care choices or other support systems. This seems to be because the parent still sees that daughter, who might even be a physician, as a 12 year old.
So, when the daughter’s husband makes a suggestion, they listen. When the in-law asks questions about the parent’s finances, they share information. When the in-law approaches the older family members with suggestions about moving to Assisted Living, they are open to explore. These findings came about from a study done by Fidelity Investments and conducted by Harris Interactive in April 2009.
I find this confirming and interesting because this is a strategy I have recommended for years on “who” should approach mom or dad with concerns that might be received with resistance. Again, all families are different but especially with Alzheimer’s disease, this study shows how the “in-law” is usually more successful.
So, if Mom or Dad just won’t listen to you have your spouse or partner do the talking – you might just need to stay away for these more sensitive discussions.
If this causes you distress, go to a support group and know we all do whatever it takes to secure the best for our parents. And, sometimes it’s best to have anyone other than you ask the questions and make those suggestions!
Best of luck to all of you on this often painful journey of “Parent Care”.