Many individuals experience great anxiety when they see items in a home that they once used and operated but no longer can due to the advancing ravages of a progressive dementia.
Most families and professionals feel home is the greatest place of comfort – and for many that is true. In fact, for some individuals with a dementia, a trip away from the home causes great anxiety and challenging behaviors.
However, it has been my experience with some individuals who see a bank statement or a cooking utensil, that they once used but now don’t know what to do with that item, become very anxious. Sometimes they can become angry thinking someone or something made the items not usable and this anger gets projected on the spouse or family caregiver. This is because they are constantly reminded by the familiar of what they can’t do and that causes great frustration.
Those individuals, who experienced a high level of anxiety and frustration in the home, often settle down in a “dementia designed” care facility. This is because they are not presented with any activity or request that reminds them of what they once did.
One of my clients became extremely angry whenever she saw her husband start to cook (in 60 years he had never boiled water). She would yell at him to leave the kitchen – yet not be able to make a meal. He learned to gently get her in the den with a cup of tea and then he would quickly prepare a frozen meal, put it on the table and tell her the dinner she made was done. This worked for him, but for others it might not.
The environment can be the problem, as can be our communication style. Learning new tools to live each day with a family member with a dementia, such as Alzheimer’s, is critically important to preventing caregiver burn out.
If you are unsure of what is best for your parent find a Professional Geriatric Care Manager to give you an objective assessment of what would be best for all family members based on values as well as needs.