By Linda Fodrini‐Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC
Founder & Chairman, Eldercare Services
I have been thinking about how we are sometimes forced to change because of issues outside our control – such as death, job layoffs or a medical diagnosis. And sometimes we have options to change that spring forth because of boredom, creativity, opportunity, ending a bad relationship or adventure. Everyone experiences life transitions.
That is just to name a few of the catalysts that bring about life transitions.
I have also been thinking how important it is to have a ritual around these transitions that are out of our control or those we choose to make. Even in the most positive of changes or transitions there is some loss of what was so we can find ourselves a little letdown, sad or depressed, and we wonder why?
Life Transitions: Why?
The “why” is we have not totally given the “old” a proper farewell. Maybe those who marry after living with their parents should have some type of “good-bye” that is formal to the old life. In death, most of us have rituals from our families or our religion these are sad, but they bring some, if not total closure to the loss of a loved one.
I remember when I first married and was so excited to be a real “adult” and live with my husband outside of my parent’s home. It was a dream come true but a few months into the newness, I was a little depressed, and I had to talk it through with a trusted advisor. It was not that the marriage was wrong; although I was very young, it was “normal” for me to grieve the end of my childhood and step into adulthood.
So the wisdom of this process is to develop a ritual for any change or transition– make it up or look at others for ideas. It does not matter if the transition is a positive or a loss. It is a change and if you acknowledge what you are leaving behind before moving on you are less likely to feel depressed later on. You will have feelings, and they are “ok”. If necessary, find a therapist to talk them over with and help you normalize the emotional roller coaster you could be on.
Life is about transition – we age – we change, and we need to find ways to express feelings of all kinds so we don’t get stuck with emotional baggage as we move forward.
We have several licensed therapists on staff at Eldercare Services – if you find yourself in a “stuck” place give us a call – life is short, and you want to live it to the fullest!