Valentine’s Day highlights love to all those we care about, mostly in a romantic way, but also in a more holistic way — especially if we are doing long distance caregiving.
Many of us have memories of Mom or Dad helping us write Valentine cards or baking cupcakes for our class party. Now we find ourselves separated by hours, and possibly thousands of miles, from our aging parents. We worry about them as they age; every time the phone rings we wonder, “Is this the call?” Sometimes we have to stop our lives and travel long distances to ensure they are getting what they need after a sudden trip to the hospital.
Long Distance Caregiving: A True Challenge
Long distance caregiving is truly a challenge, especially if you don’t have local family or friends to help you when a problem arises. The second part of this long distance challenge is being certain it is a true emergency. When is it the right time to jump in the car or call the airline? What signals or warning signs should you be paying attention to that can be telling you it’s time to advocate and bring in care?
The challenges can come at both ends of the spectrum. From one extreme you might have had your parent tell you the house is falling apart, only to fly out and find a little dry rot. While at the other extreme you hear from a neighbor that your mom broke her dominant arm and didn’t want to bother you with it even though she is struggling to care for herself during recovery.
Loving, caring, and balancing your own career and family create challenges of the heart. You are appreciative of your family members’ love and the care you received throughout your life. You want to be there for them, but the totality and urgency of your own responsibilities get in the way. You have a career, family and commitments that keep you busy day and night; one more obligation feels like you might get to a breaking point.
In conversations you have with Mom or Dad on the phone, you may hear confusion, memory issues, resistance to suggestions or apathy and you probably will not be sure how to respond or where to begin when you decide to take action.
Here are six Tips & Actions you can take if you are long distance caregiving:
- Keep a current list of medical providers, medical conditions, health history and current medications for your family member. You can also create a calendar of upcoming appointments and medical procedures.
- Have names and numbers of friends or neighbors who have a key or know where a key is hidden to your family member’s home.
- Look into technology including sensors that let you know, in real time, about your family member’s daily activities.
- Be sure you have access to medical information. That might mean that you become his or her agent under a “Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare”. Or, you know the person who does hold this power.
- If your parent lives alone, be sure he or she has an “Emergency Response System” that works outdoors as well as in the home.
- Have access to a Professional Geriatric Care Manager (PGCM)/Aging Life Care Professional, who can go assess the situation before you fly across country. This person might work as needed or have an “On-Call for You” program. The PGCM can do for you in two hours, what might take you two weeks to resource – this person becomes the conduit between all service providers and helps keep your parent safe. It is good to have this person before a crisis.
About 50% of the clients we serve at Eldercare Services have family members more than two hours away. They are caring and concerned, but can’t get to every appointment or oversee the care in the home. Over and over again we are told by clients what a “life-saver” it has been to have an expert guiding them along the way, especially when it comes to long distance caregiving.
Having an advocate is such a blessing when keeping the concerned children in the loop. The results of the enrichment that the PGCM is able to add to their parent’s life are: fewer surprises and a higher quality of life for their parent.
We can help you locally in the San Francisco Bay Area and VillagePlan.com can help you get connected to a professional Care Manager anywhere in the country.
Both Eldercare Services and Village Plan professionals adhere to a strict code of ethics and a standard of practice. The PGCMs are mostly Master’s prepared professionals from social work, counseling, nursing, and other related fields.