Is your marriage at risk because you have only time for your parents’ needs? Are you still trying to get mom’s approval at the risk of losing your marriage? Are you using your parents care needs as a distraction for working on your relationship?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is time to see a therapist who is also a Geriatric Care Manager. I don’t say this for self-interest, but because I have a passion for finding balance and quality of life for all individuals.
Your parents do need care, but you don’t have to be the only one providing it – and if you think you do, all the more reason to talk this over with a skilled professional. Getting an objective professional to help you see what it is your are doing with your precious time, love and energy could be the difference from having a quality life and being overly stressed and ending up with a stress related illness. This Professional Geriatric Care Manager can also give you some local resources to share the care with you.
Loving another means we need to have boundaries, set limits and always find some time for self-care. The biggest mistake those who are caring for an aging parent make is “over-caring”. The opposite of “over-caring” is not under caring – it is “balanced caring”. Which means you will need to say “no” in order to provide time for others in your family such as a spouse or a grandchild, or maybe the job you might lose if you don’t find ways to share the care.