When a medical provider was asking my mother about any changes in her vision she answered, “No, not since I have been in the Rest Home”. I was quick to respond, “Rest home? It is more like an ‘activity center’” and then she said, “Well, I don’t know about those activities”.
What surprised me is my quick response to cover my never wanting to put mom in a “rest home”. That is the term used years ago and often meant to warehouse elders waiting for the final journey to their eternal resting! Uncaring family members put their elders in “rest homes”; those of us who love our parents want them to have a full and active retirement and we choose communities that focus on the positive. I might add, we caring adult children use professionals such as, Geriatric Care Managers, check the history of the facility and licensing before we make these decisions and we don’t do this lightly.
But, Mom is 89 and to her, if she isn’t in her own home she must be in a “rest home”. She seems content and even happy most of the time with her little apartment and the kind caregivers who support her daily needs but, why do I still feel as if I did this to her? I am a professional and I know my mother needs a supportive environment. However, I am a daughter who had envisioned her mother in her own home until she died. My vision has collided with need and reality.