by Leah Weinberg
When a family member is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or dementia, the caretaker family members may think that a support group “isn’t for them”. They may want to deal with their feelings privately, and don’t yet understand the benefits of an Alzheimer’s support group and hearing other people’s stories who are in the same situation.
At Eldercare Services, we have learned that the first concerns that come up for folks are common:
- what if my family member wanders off?
- how can I keep them safe?
- how can I get them to take their medication on time?
- what if they won’t eat healthy meals? or any meals?
Even if you don’t feel ready to share at a support meeting, other people will probably ask the very same questions that are on your mind, and you can learn from listening. First time attendees are often given useful handouts on local resources, and this information is handy to refer to at home. Sharyl Scozzaro recently attended her first support meeting, and says “I feel like I’ve landed on a really good support system. I met interesting people in the same position I am. The more I learn about Alzheimer’s, the better I can deal with and understand the person I am caring for.”
Here is some common, top advice often heard at support groups:
- Pick your battles. If safety isn’t a concern, sometimes you have to let the affected person do things their own way.
- Qualify of life is the most important consideration. Yes, working on memory exercises can be useful, but having a happy and calm today is a priority for your loved one.
- Strive to alleviate anxiety. Use a calm voice and distraction when your family member is agitated about something that can’t be immediately fixed. The same strategies used with a young child can work well with older adults. Offer two choices and let them choose, give warnings about changes that are coming such as visitors or doctor’s appointments, and use tools like a monthly calendar on the fridge so your loved one knows what is happening on a given day.
- Caregivers need to take care of their emotional health, too. Often people’s first impulse upon a diagnosis is to read and research about Alzheimer’s, look for care options for your loved one (in-home care or assisted living) and jump in with all your time and energy. Alzheimer’s doesn’t start suddenly, and it is not a situation you can fix quickly. You can’t help your loved one if you are tiring yourself out physically and emotionally.
Eldercare Services has a monthly support group called “Caring for an Aging Family Member”. The group meets on the 2nd Thursday of every month from 6:00 – 7:30pm in Walnut Creek. Check it out!