2009 December

Baby Boomers Trading Retirement Leisure for Parent Care?

Posted in Age Related Issues, Care Management, Future Trends, Uncategorized on December 29, 2009

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

This new decade will bring many of the 76 million Baby Boomers who approach retirement, with the dreams and visisons of travel, volunteerism, and enjoying family redirected and derailed, to the reality of aging parents and their increasing dependency.

It is my recommendation that every pre-retirement class, workshop or planner cover, for the aging baby boomer generation how to find a balance between parent care and actualizing their dreams. The later years also bring progressive chronic illnesses to baby boomers, who on the whole are healthier than their parents at retirement, but never the less have a body that is aging or a genetic package that can’t be redesigned (or at least not this year)!

So, with our own aging and our own dreams of what retirement holds for each of us comes the question, how do I take care of my parents and still have fulfilling relationships and enjoy the “golden” years?

It could change the course of your “golden years” to find an experienced counselor or Professional Certified Geriatric Care Manager to review a checklist of how to find balance in life. This can go a long way toward life satisfaction. After such a meeting, you will need to commit to self-care that will help prevent burnout, resentment and even depression. You should also have someone, a friend, spouse or counselor who you talk with for accountability – it is so easy to be pulled into the drama and needs of aging family members.

Remember, balance is not eliminating your ability or willingness to support and care for your parents – but it means finding that time to get out on the golf course, take a hike, play with the grandkids or learn a new language.

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area we are here for you. If you live in another part of the country send us a query and we will find someone for you to talk with.

Happy Trails to you!

Elders Making Challenging Choices

Posted in Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Uncategorized on December 22, 2009

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

It has been my honor, over the past 25 years, to help people make hard decisions such as giving up a home of 50 years for a retirement community or a downsized condo. One comes to this decision from various paths; economic reasons, health concerns, loss of spouse or wanting to relocate near adult children. Sometimes, just because home maintenance is too much and the senior wants to travel or have less of the “have to do” chores in their life.

What I do know is that people who are socially engaged live longer and happier lives according to research. That individuals who have purpose and meaning in their lives are healthier than their peers without purpose. I also know that people who have had major losses through death of spouses or friends that continue to have meaningful lives live longer as well.

So, if you or someone you love is facing this dilemma you should consider having at least one hour with a Professional Geriatric Care Manager who can help you with your list of pros and cons before making a major move. It is often beneficial for the elder to have this conversation with an objective professional; so the end result is your decision and not influenced by family members’ or friend’s value systems.

More and more Baby Boomers are thinking long range and looking at options early in their “autumn” years. Better to be prepared than have to make decisions in a crisis.

Dementia and the Holidays

Posted in Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Dementia and Memory Loss, Holidays, Uncategorized on December 15, 2009

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

An individual with a dementia can be easily overwhelmed by all of the activities of holiday celebrations and become overly anxious, depressed or more confused.

Most individuals with dementia do relatively well with set routines and naturally pull back from extra activities that might tax their memory or set them up for failure. Sometimes a refusal of an invitation that was previously enjoyed can be an early “red flag” for families that something is changing in their elder family member’s cognition.

A few tips to keep the holidays enjoyable:

1) Set up one holiday decoration in your family member’s home as a family activity. Don’t mention that you are doing it because he or she can’t.

2) Tell him or her not to worry about gifts, you will assist them in finding gift cards – give an excuse that the kids like to shop for themselves or it is so challenging to find the right sizes. Help him or her sign cards and stuff the gift cards into them. Do some of your cards at the same time.

3) Family gatherings can overwhelm and loud noise can increase agitation and anxiety. So, if you are bringing mom or dad over for a holiday meal – pick them up just before and return him or her right after dessert. However, if he or she is enjoying the company of little ones, play it by observation – the key is be aware of their behavior.

4) Your holiday gifts might include a phone that is easy to use, sweatsuits that are easy to dress in, and maybe a “housekeeper” once a week that really is a caregiver that can expand her time to do more as mom or dad needs more help.

5) Reduce alcohol use or eliminate it from your celebrations – alcohol only complicates and endangers those with dementias.

6) Try to reduce the sugar laden treats as well – it is easy to be over expose to the treats of the season. Have lots of fresh fruits available.

Future Trends in Visionary Baby Boomer Living Arrangements

Posted in Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Future Trends, Uncategorized on December 8, 2009

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

With the Baby Boomers aging what will the future hold? Will they want what they want right now – instant gratification? Some may choose more commune-like living – different from assisted living – more self-directed and self-governed living and create a new way to live. They would have more control over menu planning and structured activities or entertainment. And of course, all pets would be welcome, too!

What would that look like for you? I see four or five condos linked together with a common room or large family room for art projects, exercise and shared meals. Each individual or couple having their own living quarters, maybe even their own patio or small raised gardens as well as a larger garden. A shared housekeeper and maybe a few shared meals each week. As individuals aged in place, they could share a caregiver to assist with personal care and, if couples needed respite from the care of an ill spouse, they could support one another with short respite care.

I think that Professional Geriatric Care Management is a must for aging positively and pro-actively; I envision a Care Manager spending some time each of these pods of condos. This professional could run community meetings, support those who need support and see that new candidates for each group were appropriate. Also, the Care Manager would advocate for the residents when medical issues presented themselves.

Individuals would “buy in” as is common now in other cooperatives and pay a monthly fee for the common area, housekeeper, garden upkeep and the Professional Geriatric Care Manager. I realize I left out all the possible negative “what if’s”…but visioning is just visioning. Aging in place my way!

Aging Parents and Childhood Abuse

Posted in Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Uncategorized on December 1, 2009

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

I frequently come across individuals who are children of a negligent or abusive parent. The adult children are now dealing with elder care and have mixed feelings that are both conflictual and challenging.

It is hard to sacrifice time and energy and even dollars to someone who just wasn’t there for you. The feelings of resentment, anger, disdain and even guilt will color your ability to provide care. Sometimes these adult children try to overdo to get the love they missed in their youth only to be disappointed yet another time. However, there are often heartfelt stories of reconciliation and forgiveness leading to a more authentic, loving relationship. Help is needed to sort out one’s ability to care if your journey as a child included less than positive parenting.

What should one do if they face this issue? A few suggestions are:

1) Find a local support group for adult children of aging parents.

2) Seek professional counseling.

It is most important to recognize and acknowledge your own needs in order to get through the aging process with the best possible outcome for you and your loved ones.