My heart and the mind are in conflict – a challenging choice.
Today the doctor suggests Hospice; a wonderful supportive process of ushering one from this life to the next, with dignity and comfort. My experience says this is a good plan as I have appreciated the wonderful care my clients have received from all the terrific hospice professionals over my 30 years in Geriatric Care Management.
But, for my mom, it can’t be that time – because I don’t want it to be that time. I want her in my life. So do my brothers and all the grandchildren and great grandchildren. It is so hard to envision holidays and family milestones without her.
I have stepped up my advocacy for mom these past two years. I know it was that advocacy combined with her never giving up that gave her the last year in Assisted Living in a lifestyle she enjoyed. If she had stayed in her home I think we would have had to say our goodbyes long ago. One thing that has contributed to her 90 years is her ability to let go of stress and worry. With
every hospital stay she has never fretted or been anxious – is this a lesson for all of us?
I will need to embrace the circle of life because there is no alternative, despite my skills or incredible love for a good mother.
I will talk with the hospice team and with my mom about our choices but I will not give up on hope or the possibility of her bouncing back like she has done so many times before. For where there is love there is hope.
Mom is part of me and all my family so when she does pass from this physical life to heaven’s doors, she will live through each of us in so many little and big ways – we will never truly lose her.
Love is doing what we need, not what we want. Hard choices face us on this journey we share - life!