My heart and the mind are in conflict – a challenging choice.
Today the doctor suggests Hospice; a wonderful supportive process of ushering one from this life to the next, with dignity and comfort. My experience says this is a good plan as I have appreciated the wonderful care my clients have received from all the terrific hospice professionals over my 30 years in Geriatric Care Management.
But, for my mom, it can’t be that time – because I don’t want it to be that time. I want her in my life. So do my brothers and all the grandchildren and great grandchildren. It is so hard to envision holidays and family milestones without her.
I have stepped up my advocacy for mom these past two years. I know it was that advocacy combined with her never giving up that gave her the last year in Assisted Living in a lifestyle she enjoyed. If she had stayed in her home I think we would have had to say our goodbyes long ago. One thing that has contributed to her 90 years is her ability to let go of stress and worry. With
every hospital stay she has never fretted or been anxious – is this a lesson for all of us?
I will need to embrace the circle of life because there is no alternative, despite my skills or incredible love for a good mother.
I will talk with the hospice team and with my mom about our choices but I will not give up on hope or the possibility of her bouncing back like she has done so many times before. For where there is love there is hope.
Mom is part of me and all my family so when she does pass from this physical life to heaven’s doors, she will live through each of us in so many little and big ways – we will never truly lose her.
Love is doing what we need, not what we want. Hard choices face us on this journey we share – life!
Tasha Beauchamp says
February 23, 2012 at 10:13 amPart of what makes life so precious is the fact that it is finite. And, that hurts sometimes. Blessings on you and your family to rise to your mother’s need for hospice, even when it reminds you that there will come a time when there are no new memories to make. Hospice does not consign her to death, nor will it make her passing happen sooner. That can be hard to remember. It does not mean giving up hope. Releasing hope for a cure, yes. But hospice can help you retain hope in the form of making each day/week/month the highest quality it can be, focusing on a soft landing and creating the sweetest memories possible in this last chapter of your time together.
Will be thinking of you and your family on this journey, Linda. You give so much to others. Now it is your time to receive support for your own family’s passage. Virtual hugs to you.
Tasha Beauchamp says
February 23, 2012 at 10:13 amPart of what makes life so precious is the fact that it is finite. And, that hurts sometimes. Blessings on you and your family to rise to your mother’s need for hospice, even when it reminds you that there will come a time when there are no new memories to make. Hospice does not consign her to death, nor will it make her passing happen sooner. That can be hard to remember. It does not mean giving up hope. Releasing hope for a cure, yes. But hospice can help you retain hope in the form of making each day/week/month the highest quality it can be, focusing on a soft landing and creating the sweetest memories possible in this last chapter of your time together.
Will be thinking of you and your family on this journey, Linda. You give so much to others. Now it is your time to receive support for your own family’s passage. Virtual hugs to you.
Denise says
March 21, 2012 at 10:29 pmI feel compelled to reach out to you, Linda. I first became acquainted with your work when I researched the possibility of becoming a professional fiduciary. I had just lost my job of six years; my father had passed away and, within 3-weeks of his passing I learned my mother had terminal cancer. She immediately moved into my home with a referral to Hospice. My involvement with Hospice changed my life and blessed us with another three-weeks of precious memory-making and a poignant, peaceful farewell. Within six-weeks I lost both parents, my job and had no siblings. I am a single-parent of a beautiful 23-year-old daughter with multiple disabilities, the “single” part occupying the last 13-years. Only my faith sustained me. Somehow, it is important for me to share with you that I found my purpose through these life-changing events. I received volunteer training at Hospice East Bay and served at the Bruns House. I’ve developed a personal card entitled “Advocacy With Integrity” -Respect, Dignity, Compassion, a representation of who I am and what I am about. My fierce passion is for the elderly and the disabled. And, finally, I now work for Eldercare Services as a caregiver. I have never known such peace. You are a woman of many gifts and you have touched countless lives in ways you can’t possibly imagine. Know there are those of us who have walked this path; yet no two journeys are alike. I am certain I am not alone in reaching out to you in spirit, praying for your strength, wisdom and discernment, but most of all, for each step to be taken with exquisite purpose. Blessings to you and your family.
Denise says
March 21, 2012 at 10:29 pmI feel compelled to reach out to you, Linda. I first became acquainted with your work when I researched the possibility of becoming a professional fiduciary. I had just lost my job of six years; my father had passed away and, within 3-weeks of his passing I learned my mother had terminal cancer. She immediately moved into my home with a referral to Hospice. My involvement with Hospice changed my life and blessed us with another three-weeks of precious memory-making and a poignant, peaceful farewell. Within six-weeks I lost both parents, my job and had no siblings. I am a single-parent of a beautiful 23-year-old daughter with multiple disabilities, the “single” part occupying the last 13-years. Only my faith sustained me. Somehow, it is important for me to share with you that I found my purpose through these life-changing events. I received volunteer training at Hospice East Bay and served at the Bruns House. I’ve developed a personal card entitled “Advocacy With Integrity” -Respect, Dignity, Compassion, a representation of who I am and what I am about. My fierce passion is for the elderly and the disabled. And, finally, I now work for Eldercare Services as a caregiver. I have never known such peace. You are a woman of many gifts and you have touched countless lives in ways you can’t possibly imagine. Know there are those of us who have walked this path; yet no two journeys are alike. I am certain I am not alone in reaching out to you in spirit, praying for your strength, wisdom and discernment, but most of all, for each step to be taken with exquisite purpose. Blessings to you and your family.