It is the time of the year when families get together, often sharing memories and traditions. Unfortunately, this can also bring up aging parents concerns.
As we and our parents age, we tend to have more and more concerns about what can be a “slippery journey” of living longer.
We even start to wonder about ourselves; what if something happens to us? Who will oversee the care of our aging family members? Maybe a new career path takes you away more and more; who then is going to step in and be the voice of reason and calm? If Mom is taking care of Dad or vice versa – what happens when the “caregiver” of the two has a crisis?
Having the experience of being a professional care manager for 30 plus years reminds me that this is the time I hear from more and more families. They have just realized that mom is showing signs of memory loss or dad is falling more. Or, they see stacks of unpaid bills and hear stories of inappropriate relationships, such as the gardener taking mom for doctor appointments.
I teach many community classes on a variety of topics. Listening with a heart for family caregivers, I hear over and over again, “I wish I had that information years ago; it would have saved me so much time and stress.” The value of professional care management advice can mean all the difference between a life that is full of quality and one that is full of distress and frustration.
Here are just a few red flags to know that it is time for a family consultation or to find a care manager where mom and dad live:
- You notice changes in memory or judgment. Safety is at risk.
- Mom or Dad does not see any reason to have help; you see many reasons.
- You notice unpaid bills and more clutter than you have seen in the past.
- Mom or Dad is losing or gaining weight. You are concerned about depression.
- Your parents seem to call you at all times for the littlest of problems.
- You notice medications not taken and/or not stored properly.
- You think it is time for them to move; your siblings want to hire help and allow them to stay in their home.
- Mom and Dad have not shared with you any of their legal documents – so you have no idea how or who should intervene during a crisis.
- You don’t know your parents’ wishes about end of life care. Maybe you also need to share your preferences with your own adult children.
- Your parents tell you about strangers helping them and you have concerns about scams or possible exploitation.
The solution to being prepared for a crisis or an intervention for age-related changes is not just the answers to the above ten questions, but to have a strategy that is not off-putting or demeaning to approach those for whom you are worried. That is exactly what professional Care Managers do with families who have not been successful on their own.
The motivation may also be to have the highest probability for a successful outcome when they approach the “Elephant in the Room,” the conversation that everyone is avoiding. The Eldercare Services team is here to assist in designing a roadmap, the route, and the best vehicle to get where you want to get!
If your parents live at a distance – you could still come and see us to get the assistance you need. I recall a client who had parents living out of state; the daughter was sending them money every month to help pay for their Assisted Living; Dad was struggling with Mom’s care and was challenged by the technology the daughter sent him.
That adult daughter had one consultation with one of our Care Managers and was connected to entitlements that brought over $1,500 a month for her parents’ care, ending her having to send them money. Mother’s symptoms sounded to us like she had a wrong diagnosis, so we arranged for her to go to the local University Hospital for a workup; she was correctly diagnosed and given medications that helped Dad manage her behaviors. Also, we were able to get Dad a simple cell phone that he could use without frustration. So, the time you spend with a Professional Care Manager will not only save you stress and frustration but could also save resources: yours or moms!
Before you take off for the holiday visit – give us a call at (866) 760-1808.
May the spirit of the season bring peace to your heart.