We all want to live life fully for as long as possible. Those who live to be 100 years and beyond—centenarians– are an interesting segment of the population to study since they may provide clues as to how this may be achieved.
One of the common character traits of centenarians is the ability to remain connected to meaningful relationships. Here are some tips to help you create and sustain positive connections in your life:
¨ Be kind. You do not need to know what burdens others are carrying to know that they are heavy.
¨ No matter how great the faults of another person, strive to be aware also of his or her good qualities. Know that there is something worthy of commendation in almost everyone, even though it may lie dormant and as yet undiscovered.
¨ Make time for hearing your loved ones’ struggles and challenges. When a friend speaks, listen with your heart rather than your judgment. You may not be able to take away another’s pain, but you can hear it. Afterward, write them a card or bring them a flower to acknowledge and thank them for entrusting you with their vulnerability as well as their strength.
¨ If you are dealing with an illness or personal struggle that may be shared by others, join a support group where you can meet regularly to talk about your challenges, fears, hopes and dreams among others who will understand.
¨ Recall someone who helped you when you needed it. Write or tell him/her of your appreciation. Recognize someone in your extended family or community who has provided outstanding service. Make a certificate or plaque they can put on their wall, or send a note with flowers or food.
¨ For emotionally significant communications, don’t use e-mail. Meet in person, talk on the phone, or write letters that you can mail or hand-deliver. People love getting letters. It can be rare to get anything special in the mail anymore.
¨ Read selections from your favorite books to your family and friends. Give away copies of your favorite books. Tell others what these books have meant to you.
¨ If you want to change the way you feel about someone, change the way you treat them.
¨ Step back every now and then and take an objective look at your own behavior. If someone important to you is being defensive, ask whether you are doing anything to make them so.
¨ Nurture the friendships with which you feel at ease. Move on from those that take enormous energy and stress to maintain.
¨ Read a story to an elder who can no longer see fine print. Record your reading on tape so they can play it back and listen whenever they wish.
¨ Learn from people who are different from you. Greet them with true curiosity, knowing that you can stay true to yourself no matter what the difference. Do not let differences of opinion become causes of estrangement.
Remember that love is necessary for great relationships, but it is not sufficient. Great relationships don’t just happen because you’re in love. They take work, and lots of it.
Jan Kelly says
June 22, 2010 at 10:45 amBeautiful ! Excellent advice and suggestions for a good life!
Jan Kelly says
June 22, 2010 at 10:45 amBeautiful ! Excellent advice and suggestions for a good life!