My mother, who was residing in a skilled nursing facility and recovering from an episode of respiratory distress earlier that day, was just presented with dinner at the time of my visit. She was struggling to eat her dinner so the good daughter (me), of course, wanting her to keep up her energy, gave her a taste of the soup – knowing how much she loves lentil soup. She took the taste but when I offered the second spoonful she said, “Linda, don’t feed me”!
Of course I stopped feeding her and just handed her the coffee – always her first choice of fluids! How else does one live to be 90!
I left there thinking I was treating her as a child and not respecting her dignity and then I remembered what I have been teaching and lecturing about for the past 30 years – my mother still sees me as her child and it would be much easier for a caregiver or nurses aid to assist her but, it was not ok for her to have her daughter feed her.
Also, sometimes when you don’t feel like yourself, you just don’t want to eat and that is “ok” – it’s just hard for those of us that love our parents to see them fail.
I am back on track and will respect my mother’s choices with dignity and respect – knowing her journey is almost complete and mine of letting go is just beginning.
Jan Martinelli says
October 3, 2012 at 12:11 amThis was so moving. Mom is back in the hospital. Bladder infection and a cold. She is so confused. She too knows who I am, and we have kind of a conversation. To know that she is now really in God’s hands is such a comfort. He is navigating this whole process, I’m just moving along. Mom left us when dementia moved in.
Love to you Lin and especially to your wonderful Mom…as you know, I love her…Jan