home care

Aging Families: Dilemmas, Concerns and Solutions

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on April 19, 2013

Working adults in the “autumn” of their careers find that they are juggling work and aging family dilemmas — causing loss of pay or employer dissatisfaction with their performance or absence. Baby Boomers facing retirement also face the realities of still having to care for parents or other older relatives — this “care” duty can detour their dreams of the envisioned “retirement”.

Linda will talk about major issues facing families locally or at a distance. She will give Rotarians a list of resources to help them navigate the maze of resources available in order to find help that will respect the dignity of the elder and bring peace to the adult child. Linda will also talk about the realities of living longer lives and statistics that will affect all of us as we age.

Linda Fodrini-Johnson is a Licensed Family Therapist and a certified, Professional Care Manager. She founded Eldercare Services in 1989 — the first full service Geriatric Care Management and Home Care company in the East Bay. She has been guiding, coaching and counseling families in the Bay Area for 30 years. Linda is the recent past President of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (NAPGCM).

The Elephant in the Room – Difficult Talks We All Should Have

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, End of Life, home care, Mental Health, Moving an Aging Adult, Relationships on April 19, 2013

Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC, Founder and Executive Director of Eldercare Services discusses and give solutions on effective communication with family members about the issues of aging.

These issues might be:

Who would make medical decisions for you? And, do they know your wishes?
Remarriage
Memory loss — possible dementia
Forgiveness — Needing it and granting it
Moving
Can someone take over your financial affairs?
How do I face not driving?
Who inherits what of my possessions and assets?

Joy & Pain in the Same Moment! Spousal Caregiver Challenges

Posted in Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, home care, Relationships on April 10, 2012

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

A spousal caregiver recently told me he looks at his watch all day for the time he will experience the joy of seeing his wife and when his eyes meet hers his joy turns to pain as she can’t remember who he is.

Love never ends – and for spousal caregivers, traveling the journey of dementia, pain remains a constant. The days of yesterday remain alive for the well spouse as the ill spouse slips away daily to a place none of us can comprehend.

For those of us not on this caregiving journey, may we find it in our heart to reach out to that well spouse and give them some reassurance and pleasure – perhaps with a shared meal or a drive in the country. It might also mean a walk on a beautiful fall day or a trip to a movie on a rainy winter day.

Invite the well spouse for some quality moments with you because when they are alone or make those daily visits, they often feel a very deep sadness.

Be a friend or family member who cares with creativity and love.

The Family Circus II: Walking the Tightrope of Elder Care

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Care Management, Caregiving, Events, Future Trends, home care, Relationships on July 13, 2011

The Family Circus II: “Walking the Tightrope of Elder Care

Community Seminar at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church
1601 Mary Drive, Pleasant Hill, CA – Invite your friends & neighbors!

Saturday, October 15, 2011 | 8:30 – 3:00 – no charge, refreshments provided.

RSVP: Eldercare Services 925 937-2018 or Info@EldercareAnswers.com.

Why Attend? Watch the Video! Click Here.

In order to…

Become aware of entitlements and benefits that will help pay for long term care. What legal tools do you need?
Become prepared to be a family caregiver with information that will save you time, stress and resources.
Learn what Alzheimer’s is and isn’t and what can be done.
Gain tools to help with challenging behaviors, resistance and family discord.
Find answers to emotional dilemmas that caregiving presents.

Don’t lose time away from work or extended family – become an empowered family.

This is a day of lectures and breakout sessions presented by professionals focused on positive Aging. We will have an Elder Law Attorney, Certified Geriatric Care Managers, Physicians, Nurse Practitioner and Licensed Family Therapists, who are all local and experienced in working with families present their knowledge to empower you. This knowledge will allow you to find a balance and affirm your need for self-care as well.

Local providers of support to Elders and their families are sponsoring this event and will be available to answer your questions prior to the sessions starting and during our breaks.

It takes village to provide good care and we live in a supportive community.

Caregiving Statistics

Caregiving increases with age: 78% of all caregiving is provided by the family (mostly spouse or adult child). The average age of a caregiver who is caring for someone over 50 is 63. The average length of caregiving is 10 years.

Please contact Info@EldercareAnswers.com for a full program.

Visit The Family Circus Elite Sponsors’ websites:
The Chateaus of Pleasant Hill | Ridgecrest Pharmacy | Aegis of Pleasant Hill | Eldercare Services

Dining Room Table Clutter – From Mom to Me!

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on March 11, 2011

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

I had been concerned about my mother’s increasing clutter of paper over the past three years and now I need to take over the managing of her affairs due to her stroke – my dining room table looks likes hers did! Hope the clutter police aren’t close by!

Taking over the paperwork of a family member can become a full time detective job and seems to take a football field to sort out all the unnecessary documents from those that need immediate attention or to be filed for future reference. What is that receipt for $2.50 for a senior club bingo card doing with a legal document that needs to be returned to her attorney? Why did she stop payment on a check for $25 to her church – maybe she didn’t like the sermon? And another stop payment for $7 to her doctor – doesn’t the bank charge us $25 to stop payment? Why does one need to keep a copy of every bill ever paid…and in that pile is one that was due last week!? Yikes…will I untangle this?

Interesting, messy and sometimes confusing but it is doable. The work is concrete and I don’t feel sad or angry going over the documents. It is a job an adult child of an aging parent could do from a distance. So, pack up that box of paper and send it off to your brother!

The hard part is seeing her changes and knowing she will never be the mother I had just a few months ago. But, despite my grief and having her project some of her anger unto me, I love her even more. I pray I can be kind and look for the sunshine in every minute I have with her. She was a good and kind mother – sweet and caring to all she has met. This doesn’t mean she didn’t gossip – but I don’t think in my entire life I saw her get angry with another adult and be less than a lady. What a legacy she has modeled for her heirs – better than financial resources is a legacy of kindness.

When A Caregiver Needs Help — When Exactly?

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on March 8, 2011

Professional Geriatric Care Manager Supervisor Eileen Zagelow, BA, CMC

Like most things in life this varies by person and situation. Those of us who have worked in this field for a while, though, recognize some common signs.

If you are thinking about it – needing help that is, chances are your instincts are leading you to fulfill a need. As a caregiver, if you find yourself feeling edgy, tired, anxious or short of temper while caring for someone, it is time to check into care options.

It is never too early to investigate care options. Knowing about services before you need to use them is very wise indeed.

Like many things in life, we often wait until we truly feel and understand our need for something before we go after it. We want to be absolutely sure!! By then we are usually pretty sure, however we are often quite behind in the planning process.

These guidelines might be helpful to you.

1. Do you find yourself lacking joy in your life? Depression can be an insidious process and moves in comfortably without a person being any the wiser.

2. Do you find yourself becoming angry with the person you are caring for? Are their behaviors or constant questions becoming quite annoying?

3. Are you feeling exhausted or having trouble sleeping? Are you feeling anxious?

4. Do your friends or colleagues notice a difference in you?

5. Is your health suffering? Does your immune system seem suppressed?

6. Are you having trouble organizing and getting things done?

7. Are you feeling stressed regularly?

8. Are your relationships suffering?

These are a few signs that you are in need of support. Support groups are in abundance and a place where you can find understanding, camaraderie and much needed resources.

Day programs are a wonderful resource. You can bring the person you care for to such a program so that you can both enjoy a bit of respite. It very often means that it is time to hire help in the home. Sometimes this can be a small amount of help with a lot of benefit. Other times more attendant help is needed.

A Geriatric Care Manager can help you navigate the steps in reducing and/or eliminating the warning signs in your life. He/She can help you figure out whether the time has come to utilize some caregiving support and how much that may be. Remember, that making an inquiring phone call is not a commitment; it is just a phone call. However, it is a very important step to take – it can’t hurt and can only help.

Parenting Your Parent? No, Not Me!

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on March 4, 2011

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Over the past 27 years, I have worked with many families, professionals and peers around the idea of “role reversal and the thought of parenting your parent.” I have opposed that notion saying frequently that you can’t reverse your role with your mom or dad, no matter what the dependency, they are still your parent and you are an adult child (not a child).

However, my mother said to me this week that she told the ladies in her club that her daughter was her new “mother.” She said this with a smile and not in anger – in fact she thanked me for all I’m doing for her despite my career and family.

But, her comments have me thinking about how I might remind her to take her medications without being “bossy” or making her feel as if she can’t do anything on her own. I try to take turns with my brothers calling her in the evening to remind her to take her most important medications; blood thinners. Without them she is at risk for a stroke due to Atrial-fib, which recently caused some blood clots, thus the new medication.

I also took over setting up her medications after catching an error from the home health nurse and, if left up to Mom, I’m not sure she would take her medications more than once a day. I now travel an hour each way to set up these medications and I place the important bedtime ones in her bathroom where she has a ritual of pinning her hair and cleaning her teeth. A post-it note points to the 7 day medi-set that says take before bed.

My phone calls remind her, but she says, “I take my medications” – and yet when I filled them this week there were 3 days still left in the containers.

I love my mother and want to respect her autonomy, but her safety is now an issue. She is almost 89 years old and still drives and lives in a major city.

Now my weekly visits are exposing me to her increasing clutter and inability to organize her paperwork. I know she is failing, but I don’t like what I am seeing because it means I am going to have to intervene more to keep her safe. I don’t want to be her mother.

I have said to my clients that it isn’t you taking the control away, it is (name the illness). However, it sure feels like it is me.

Parent care is “tough love” and just about as hard as parenting a teenager. As tough as it is, I know what I feel is “grief” – losing her bit by bit to what looks to be a progressive dementia.

The only thing I can say is that I am glad my dad is gone and he doesn’t have to experience seeing the love of his life leave him part by part.

Keep saying “I love you” to all in your life – for the path is shorter than we can imagine. And, oh yes – we are right behind them!

Mom had a Stroke…Now What?

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on February 25, 2011

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

A few days ago, while staying with me, my 88 year-old mother had a stroke and has been in the hospital for the past 3 days. It is surprising the scenarios that go through your head and the decisions you start making way before it is necessary.

Can she live alone? Should I insist she move closer to me? Can she drive? Is she a target of exploitation? Will a caregiver who lives-in take advantage of her? Should we spend all her savings on home care if that is her wish? Will she regain her ability to speak clearly?

My brothers have opinions different than mine at times and I know they love her, but I have questions about why they think any different than me. I am the Geriatric professional, but am I being selfish wanting her closer to me than in the city she was born in and has lived the past almost 89 years?

Mom is actually in good spirits and when the results of the MRI came back confirming the stroke and at least 4 prior strokes (we suspected but had not been given confirmation) she just smiled with half of her face and shrugged her shoulders saying, “Does this mean I can’t drive?” Then we said, ”Let’s take this one-day at a time.” What a wonderful spirit despite facing uncertainty. I hope I can be like her if life throws me a curve ball.

She moves on to acute rehab today…

Seniors Being Discharged from Hospitals

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, home care, Relationships on February 18, 2011

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

When an aging family member is discharged from a hospital it is imperative that a responsible family member or a professional like a Geriatric Care Manager follow up. About 20% of seniors who are discharged from hospitals end up being re-hospitalized because they were confused with the discharge plan or didn’t see their primary physician timely enough post hospitalization.

This is most important with those hospitalized for cardiac events, such as Congestive Heart Disease. But, any trip to the hospital can result in major medication changes made by a hospitalist and not the primary doctor. If the old medications are not tossed and replaced by the new orders, a patient could end up over medicated, which could result in death. Also, it is important for the elder to follow other new instructions that might mean diet changes, exercise, therapies or other changes to the daily activities of life. Without a coach, things can easily go south because the senior didn’t understand the importance of sleeping on two pillows or avoiding sodium (many individuals think only the salt shaker is salt – and don’t read labels).

Families at a distance, with seniors to oversee, should seek out the assistance of a Professional Geriatric Care Manager, even if it is for just a short period, to be sure they are compliant with new orders and that the primary care physician is brought up to date and concurs with the new orders.

Scam Busters for Seniors

Posted in adult children, Age Related Issues, Alzheimer's, Blog, Care Management, Caregiving, Dementia and Memory Loss, Elder Abuse and Fraud, home care, Relationships on February 15, 2011

Founder and Executive Director Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA, MFT, CMC

Geriatric Care Managers can be just the answer for the aging family member or parent who wants to stay in his or her own home, but lives a distance from you and is becoming somewhat forgetful.

Seniors are becoming more of a target for scam artists and opportunists. Living at a distance from the person you love and want to protect is a worry for many families. We want to respect the dignity of our aging family members, but we don’t want them abused or harmed in any way. It can be a challenge to protect them without the elder being treated like a child.

My mother let someone in her home asking for a glass of water and her purse was stolen. Not too long after that she got a call from someone posing as her grandson and she wired cash to him. This is “Elder Abuse” to a very bright, able 88 year-old. And her daughter, me, is an expert in elder care issues – so scams can and will happen to the parents of us all if we are not diligent with our observation of those we love who are targets as they age.

Now my mother knows, she doesn’t send money to anyone, unless they talk with me and she doesn’t open the door for strangers. But, my mother doesn’t have a dementia. If your parent does, he or she is at even greater risk because the ability to remember to check in with you when strangers approach is not there.

One of the best ways to oversee from a distance is to employ a Professional Geriatric Care Manager to check in on a parent at least monthly and begin a relationship of trust so that the elder has a local person to call when the “deal” sounds too good to be true. Also, families at a distance should call often and ask about each day – what did they do and who did they see? When you hear about the stranger that befriends your aging family member, it is a time to bring in Adult Protective Services – but they won’t visit unless you have information that leads to an event of abuse. However, the Professional Geriatric Care Manager will make that visit and assess the newfound “friend”. Often these new friends disappear when they see someone is checking in.

Be safe, keep your senior family member safe – have checks and balances – because Financial Elder Abuse is on the rise.